Why It Took Me So Long To Start Writing Again
Sometimes, off-days are inevitable.
Okay, to start off, this isn’t an informational piece.
It’s more of a personal entry, and probably a half-wit confession.
But hey, we’re all entitled to express ourselves in whatever way we can, so…
Here goes.
Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve always loved to write.
I remember as a kid the first author who tickled the desire in me to write was Enid Blyton.
She’s an author of famous children’s books that were among the best-sellers in the 1930’s. Her stories weaved a delightful genre comprised of nursery rhymes, fairy tales, fantasy adventures, and the like that have sold more than 600 million copies.
I would always sneak into our school’s library at every chance and borrow all the books I could complete.
Since then, my love for reading and writing stories grew.
I wrote my first book at age 11.
Of course, it was a cringe-worthy romance novel that inspired from hordes of coming-of-age books I was reading then.
I never finished it, though. And it also never got published.
I also wrote poems — cheesy love poems inspired by high school crushes and life as an awkward teenager.
Even as I grew up, the desire to write remained.
Though I had taken a different career path when I started working, there was something inside of me that wanted to burst out with all the words in my head.
Unfortunately, I always had an excuse not to follow through.
I figured that perhaps readinh would help keep my emotions at bay.
I continued to read even more books, trying aimlessly to keep myself aligned with my imagination, and drafting up as much ideas as I can so when I finally get the opportunity to write, I would’t have to struggle so much.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
Back in the early 2000’s, a writing career wasn’t exactly a trending one and even if you tried, you’d only end up hired in dead-beat positions for media companies.
I even tried my hand in publishing, but it still didn’t cut out for me.
Then, I discovered blogging.
It was the year 2017.
After a few business ventures that failed, I decided to make a turn towards this exciting adventure. One that I thought would finally make my writing hopes and dreams that trail behind it come true.
It took a lot of hard work, but it was exhilarating.
I looked up everything there is to know about blogging — best practices, what niches were prevalent, who I could follow and base my inspirations from — the whole nine yards.
I was enjoying every moment of it until I realized that I wasn’t gaining anything from it.
I was simply going home after every event, audit what I had learned, and try to make them come alive through my blog entries.
Eventually, every invite became a half-assed commitment from me knowing that I’ll only forget about doing the actual legwork of being a ‘blogger’.
I was starting to feel exhausted and the listlessness was overwhelming.
On top of that, I had an online job to maintain, a family business to help manage, and I had little to my name.
When the final ball dropped, I just stopped my tracks right there and then.
I started to question myself everyday about the direction I was going and what my true priorities were. I even questioned my skills and confidence.
And for every question, I just didn’t have a plausible answer.
The struggle was excruciating. I wondered if I needed a new direction for the moment while I kept my writing doors closed temporarily.
So, that’s the story of how I monumentally screwed up my writing career.
The end.
Just kidding.
Anyway, I went back to focusing on my online job, helping with the family business as much as I can, and tried to slow things down a little.
A uncanny slice of renewal.
Fast forward to 2020 — the most critical year yet.
With the pandemic and other global crisis and adversities, it was a constant struggle not knowing how far one’s life will go.
I kept a copywriting job that only offered a stable income to supply our daily needs at home during this trying time.
Other than that, I wasn’t sure where exactly I was headed except that I felt I was fed up with the same routine everyday.
Then, I remembered stumbling into an e-mail I had received recently after subscribing to a stranger’s blog years back and what it said shook me to my very core:
“WRITE IT”.
That was the headline. Nothing else.
And in the e-mail body was a message that was spot on to my predicament.
“If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” — Eddie Two Hawks
I like to think it’s a wake-up call I needed.
And I owe it to this person, who writes simple yet meaningful words of hope and inner-strength in his blog, for that unexpected silver lining.
You can check out his blog, by the way.
I began my toils of finding out what I can do to salvage the writing skills that I so haplessly kept sealed in my rhetorical closet.
And while I was at it, I also looked back on my mistakes in the past and made a note to toss them aside as I continue to rebuild myself.
It was then I also found Medium. And I can’t express how grateful I am to come across this simple but functional website that’s paving a path to help me embark on my writing journey once again.
So, here I am, making this entry and hoping to get something out of it.
Though, I’m still in the process of finally putting things into action, but I’m hopeful and excited about what lies ahead.
I believe that someday I can look back and tell myself that I finally did it.
I get to live the life I envisioned for myself, my relationships, and family through writing.
I still have a long way to go, and I have to be consistent. I also need to have accountability on what I am planning to do. Slowly but surely.
They say that achieving success comes at times you will not expect. And when time comes, it is usually the best thing that will ever happen.
So, before ending this, I’m leaving this meaningful quote if you feel you are struggling in areas that you are skilled at —
“Everyone has talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it to the dark places where it leads.”
― Erica Jong
